employing my experience

God will not waste the hurts that i have been through which serve as an indication to which ministry or area that im made and shaped to serve in.In fact, our greatest ministry will most likely come out of our greatest hurt. Who could better help a broken hearted to be wholesome again than someone who fought through that agonizing broke up experience herself and found freedom? I never knew it was so true until a friend of mine told me yesterday what she was struggling through with her long-distance relationship recently. The whole situation was as if, were framed exactly reflecting to what happened to me back to approximately 9 months ago. Yesterday, if not for God's grace, i wouldnt have shared and uncovered my painful past, admitting my fears and failures that to my surprise, has encouraged my friend!For all this while, i have been bearing this as my sin and shame but God has manifested it as otherwise. Well, needless to say now, it's a time to brag of my own weaknesses and if not for these weaknesses, my life might totally leave no room for my dependency towards God. Believe it or not, people are always more encouraged when we share how God's grace helped us in weakness than when we brag about our strength. However, it's not easy initially but it's out of willingness and love. Besides, Jesus died and rose again, entitling me to a total forgivenss and freedom to move on.frankly i wouldnt want her to feel hopeless but be comforted by God."He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us" (2 Cor 1:4).I have been grappling with issues about knowing and discerning His will since the session with Kim Cheng that i went for, pertaining God's will, during one the PKV meetings. Well, keep on asking, seeking and knocking and the door will be opened unto those who are determine to seek to serve according to His purpose for everyone.

Love In Action

Jesus taught us not to love merely by words but by deeds. On top of that, put into practice what you learned. I did it today and i wasn't proud of myself but felt thankful for being able to seize this rare opportunity to donate blood which didn't clash with my class eventually. God has graced the whole process although my arm was numb which lasted for quite some time immediately after i left the elevated relaxing lazy chair. Opportunity like this doesn't bump into us accidentally or conveniently. I believe it's a time when decision is to be made out of our clear conscience, where after much courage is accumulated to respond our love to God and His people who are urgently in need of the blood that everyone donated. Knowing not much that how the little amount that i have donated could help in saving one's life but certainly it's a right thing to do, acknowledging that God has given and it's time for me to give cheerfully and generously.I wish could have donated generously though,unfortunately i didn't have my breakfast prior to the donation because i woke up late before i went to worship service. Therefore, the doctor informed me that it was advisable for me to donate only 300ml of blood, lesser amount than one normally donates. At least it's better than none! It's an expression of gratitude to my Eternal Heavenly Father for all these healthy years that i have had.

3M's

(1) Master
(2) Mission
(3) Mate

Master should and must be the first and foremost priority in every believer's life.I'm not exceptional in this case.Mission!!im most unlikely to really know what He has in stored for me(perhaps im not the only one who struggles with this)..I was saved to serve and knowing well enough that now is the process of preparing though i loathe the fact that i constantly doubt what He is doing in me and through me is right or otherwise.On top of that, im still searching in which area i have a great passion for.Hopefully to be fully ascertained in no time before i graduate.Ya, last but not least, when it comes to "Mate", of course im praying for "him" as well as myself to be prepared to be the right one for him and vice versa despite the fear to love and trust again.Definitely, this is a preferable sequence of what most of us are praying for, to know the Master's will first and seek His Kingdom and eventually the next focus will be our mate or maybe not.But again,how would closely i follow this?arrgh!!i always run out from my focus, more than that, the perpetual idolisation of self-will is still gripping in me.

His will or my will?

A constant struggle it will be when i come to question myself about this. I dont want to evade this issue as a christian. Warning us again and again, Mr.lian urge us to handle this delicately with much prayer and meditation on His word. Even the real life example cited from the Bible about how Jesus struggled to pray that may the cup of suffering be taken away, not His will but God's will be done. Occasionally or perhaps most of the time, i wanted God to fit in to my plan when im supposedly to let myself to fit into the Master's plan. The study of Romans 9, really gave an insightful thoughts especially in this area which i always befuddled with. If God allows you to have your own way, according to Mr.Lian, we shouldnt be too happy first because our ways are comparatively destructive to His ways. He consents freedom to choose your own way out of His patience. But what if things dont end well, what am i going to do? What if He were out of patience and consumed me with His wrath?oh..the picture in my mind is terribly left in utter desolation.
Hopefully at this juncture, im on the right track to walk in His ways. Yes, let Him give me life in His ways.