Those words

"I Love You" has been very difficult for me to utter or rather express it ever since i was in primary school until i thought i have found the one whom i truly love wholeheartedly. I could just easily let it slip through my lips back to few years then whether i meant it or not. And now it has become a very difficult thing for me again. Perhaps insecurity or distrust may be the cause of not being able to articulate it. I could just choose to express it in a non-verbal way. Yes i would if i could especially to my loved ones but only occasionally.
Thank you, Lord for showing me what it takes to love a person and what does it mean to truly love a person unconditionally which has become harder each day.

the walk

I have been enjoying it constantly especially in the morning. The warmth of the sunshine always reminds me of the presence of our mighty Creator. On top of that, the existing of the heaven's eye assures me the hope that can be found in God daily. Nothing is impossible with God around is what i always think in the beginning of each day but the thought may not last until the end of the day. At least, my journey to the campus becomes more meaningful as i want to waste no time praying for whatever that comes across my mind. Sometimes, i have been too self-conscious that people who drive or walk pass me may think that i mumble to myself. Automatically i cease but then continue mumbling, laughing at myself. Only 4 more weeks to go. To me, it's something that i want to carry it with me when i have officially completed my studies here. The path to the destination has not been changed thus far. Nothing special, no awesome scenery nor breathtaking views. Of course it depends very much how you look at it. However, it still grips in my heart that it is indeed a significant, impossible-to-be-forgotten journey. I have been walking it to and fro for three and a half years. It is God who has been walking side by side with me in those days until now. Still, it's the most pleasant and enjoyable walk. The walk seemingly signifies my walk with the Lord. The closeness is beyond description.

Sleepless night

yester-night was the most terrible night that ever happened to me in this year. So many things were running through my mind and i did not know which one to focus on. After i took my medicine, i was still tossing and turning on my bed. Perhaps the t-shirt i wore wasn't suitable to sleep at night.
"Where should i work, where should i serve, where should i begin, when should i further my studies" are some of the questions that kept playing in my mind throughout the entire night. Thus, i was quite cranky this morning due to serious sleep deprivation. Why should all these things be in my head when im not feeling well? I suffered a trying moment like this and it's enough. Even this once lasted for the whole night.
I can't afford to be too slack. Time waits for no one. I will find it. I need to set it aside for prayer and do some thinking at least of what am i going to do next?

lousiest doctor

Went to the clinic this afternoon. I took my number and waited for my turn to be called. The moment i reached the face of the door, i saw the name of the doctor (don't really intend to reveal name here). I cracked it open, i observed that the doctor was actually rather podgy and idle. He was the only doctor that i have ever seen without any kind of typical busy physician look. I automatically doubt whether i went into the correct room. He was flipping through my file to check intently if there were any medical history of mine i guessed. Therefore, i took the initiative to sit down for a few minutes quietly until the doctor broke the silence,

Doctor:"Are you a final year student?"
Me: "Yeah.."
Doctor:"Hmm, i see." (he said leisurely)
Me:"ok."
Doctor looked through my profile and i didn't know what was his purpose.
"So have you come to receive any medication?"
Me: "No." (it's an obvious NO when my file was still clean and empty..DUH!!)
Doctor:"So what is your problem?"
Me:"I caught a cold since Saturday and a severe running nose. I have got headache off and on too. Now my throat is very dry. I could barely feel what i could breathe in."
Doctor took his RED EVER READY TORCH LIGHT to check my throat and my nostril.
"Ya, i think i should prescribe you with neurobionic, pain killer and some medicine for flu. If your throat is still dry then you come back again and i will give you the spray."
Me: "ok doctor. Can you give me an MC until tomorrow?"
Doctor: "You mean starting from today, afternoon?"
Me:"Yes, i need the rest and i have been unwell since Saturday."
Doctor: "So you want an MC until tomorrow, aren't you? Do you have any exam or are you on your praktikum?"
Me: "No, mid-term test was last week and i am still studying."
Doctor: "Ok."
Me:"So doctor do i proceed to the pharmacy now to do the necessary?"
Doctor:"Yes, just go the other block and take your medicine."
Me:"Thank you doctor."

Silence....

Just imagine, there were still a lot of students out there waiting for their turn. Im wondering whether am i physically sick or sick of the professionalism of a so called doctor..My blood pressure was not checked not even my heartbeat. What is this now?

I need the rest and that's why i am here=)